When I was a small child,I used to think about my Father as a tyrant,a man who simply cannot be soft ,loving or caring.As I grew up my fear for him has simply grown.I was always hesitant in asking for anything be it money or anything else from him.I had to bring up all my courage to make that request for a favour.I never ever remember him holding me close or motivating me to do anything.He always tried to make me feel that everything is difficult and beyond my capability.
When I was staying in hostel while studying for engineering,I used to keep his letters unopened for at least few hours to amass enough mental strength to read all those hard words and painful reminders.
Still when he was hospitalized and was undergoing a major operation later in my life,I felt as if a part of me is going to die.Possibility of his death was unbearable for me.I did everything within my capability to see that he survived.He did survive illness and major surgeries and after sometime again started finding fault with anything I do and continued to discourage me and make me feel incapable of doing anything right or properly.
Still I realized that he is a great part of me.My brothers used to tell me that I talk and behave exactly like him even though I do not think it is correct.
For so long in life I used to think that Father and mother are going to be there always at least as long as I live.Even though I know very well that it cannot be so ,that inner feeling of they being there always made me feel comfortable.
Even my mother was facing death I never thought her death as a possibility and when it really happened for every living moment after that I feel as if a good portion of me is dead.When she was alive I never ever thought about she being an integral part of me.But when she left I started realizing how important she was for me and always feel bad to think that I never made her known the importance she had in me .Not only in my life but in every thoughts and feelings of me.
Parents are possibly parts of our life and we realise it only when we lose them.
Dear Mr.Thomas,
ReplyDeleteNallathu maathram aashamsikkunnu,
Ningalude ee post enne vallathe nombarappeduthi. I lost my father in 2007 October and mother in 2009 January. What u expressed is 100% correct,"Parents are possibly life contacts and part of our life and we realise it only when we lose them".
I am from changaramkulam near kunnamkulam and now working with a company in UAE .A few days b4 the death of my mother ,they asked to the family members not to inform me about the seriousness of her illness thinking that I may get tension on this from far away from her....so I couldn't see them before death.. i cannot write more , my eyes are filled with tears..
hamd
The value of a Gem may not be known the beholder unless its searched for its value.
ReplyDeleteThe thread you wrote was very much touching one. The real invaluable love we experienced from last generation's parents. It was unconditional love, no dilutes and was only sacrifice. The new generation parents loves I would say as polished,accountable and limited to a time-frame.
I lost my mother and father in near term within a year that struck me deeply, and that lost made a gap and wounds in heart and still haunting their memoirs and none to replace it in this world.
With a painful tears and love in their remembrance.
John Zechariah